i lost the baby.

i feel so empty -- how does life go on at times like these?

i have tried hard not to show my grief, to be brave and smile. but the truth is, it hurts so much i don't think i'll ever be completely happy again.

to lose a child, a child you love without knowing, without condition, with every conviction your heart could muster, is the most painful thing that could ever happen to anyone and it has happened to me.

on thursday morning, when all the rest of the world is rising from deep slumber, i bled. the pain was more than i could bear. more than the physical pain, it was the angusih of feeling your child, a part of you, being torn from your womb.

how can i ever be happy again? my only refuge, my husband, has been a pillar of strength and he keeps me going. why do things like these keep happening to me?