- galing kay tiborce

1. ano'ng student number mo?
- 961210

2. nakapasa ka ba or waitlisted?
- nakapasa naman.

3. pa'no mo nalaman ang acet result?
- i don't really remember, i just recall that i knew i had passed even before i read my letter kasi makapal yung laman ng envelope.

4. first choice mo ba ang ateneo?
- yes, because i knew my dad would have wanted me to go to ateneo and i had a scholarship. i passed upcat though i didn't have a scholarship. the blue eagle won and i'm glad it did.

5. alam mo ba ang acet score mo?
- nakalimutan ko na. all that mattered to me was that i passed. i don't even remember where i put my letter.

6. ano ang first choice mo na course?
- ab communications

7. second choice?
- again, nakalimutan ko na.

8. chinito/chinita ka ba?
- hindi. but i do have a chinese surname.

9. taga-ateneo high?
- er, no.

10. nag-enjoy ka ba sa orsem?
- oo. na-meet ko yung crush ko. (see post below) i remember i also participated sa orsem committee pero sa publications ata, i wrote in one of the booklets they give freshies, the restaurant reviews.

11. saang gate ka pumasok nung first day?
- sa gate 3, sakay ng trike. ata.

12. nakapag-dorm ka ba?
- no, i lived very near ateneo that i sometimes walked to school.

13. nagka-f ka ba?
- oo. bad trip.

14. nagka-a?
- nung fourth year na. tamad ako e.

15. highest grade?
- di ko na maalala. basta konti na lang dean's list na sana. sayang nga e.

16. lowest?
- yung mga bagay na ganyan di ko na tinatandaan.

17. worst experience sa admu:
- yung muntik na akong hindi makapag-march sa graduation kasi walang pera ang nanay ko pangrenta ng toga at gown. tsaka yung naglakad ako mag-isa pauwi galing graduation kasi nauna ng umuwi yung nanay at kapatid ko. i felt so lonely i wanted to kill myself right then. kasi, yung iba kong batchmates kasama yung family nila, naka-kotse, pupunta sa mamahaling restaurant para mag-celebrate. tapos ako, nag-iisa, walang pera.

18. lagi ka bang uma-attend ng klase?
- uh, oo. di naman ako ga-graduate kung hindi di ba? pero of course, nagka-cut ako pag di ko type pumasok o pag di ko type yung teacher. heh.

19. may scholarship ka ba?
- 100% scholarship galing sa mga dating scholar din. may gathering nga pala ng mga dating asf-sssf scholars sa august, if you know anyone, please tell them to contact ate jona sa ateneo.

20. nangarap na mag-"laude?"
- hinde.

21. kelan ka gumradweyt?
25 march 2000.

22. fave teacher?
- fr. nick cruz, s.j. tony perez. john garcia. sev sarmenta. doreen fernandez. fr. gorospe, s.j. bj patino. tsaka yung teacher ko sa philo of religion na hindi ko na matandaan yung pangalan. mabait kasi yun e.

23. worst teacher?
- lahat ng nagbigay sa akin ng d at f. alam niyo na kung sino kayo. hehe.

24. fave subject?
- film theory. journalism. foreign film. film sound. radio. philo of religion. theo 141 (yung kay fr. gorospe.)

25. worst subject?
- philo of man 1. tsaka marriage and family planning kasi binagsak ako dun ni fr. dacanay. in fairness, alam ko kung bakit niya ko binagsak dun.

26. favorite landmark in admu?
- yung mukhang surfboard pero feather quill pala.

27. building?
- the comm building when it still had the mural. tsaka siempre yung rizal foyer kasi tambayan namin yun.

28. fave kainan?
-manang's, napapaniginipan ko pa rin ang inihaw na liempo at lechon kawali doon. is it still the same? i haven't been there in years.

29. estudyante ba ang binabayad mo sa jeep?
- hindi ako nagji-jeep papasok sa school.

30. lagi ka ba sa rizal lib?
- sa foyer oo. sa lib minsan. pag wala akong magawa o makausap pupunta ako sa periodicals magbabasa ng lumang issues ng reader's digest. wala lang. but i love the lib. i used to go there to research para sa work ko. noon yun nung wala pang bayad. ngayon meron na kasi e.

31. nagpunta ka ba sa infirmary nung minsang nagkasakit ka?
- oo yata. nakalimutan ko na.

32. may crush ka ba sa campus?
- see post below.

33. bf/gf?
- hindi. pangit ako, mataba at mahirap. the guys i liked never even noticed me.

34. may balak ka bang mag-ma or -phd?
- balak wala. wish, meron. pero takot ako.

35. anu-ano ang mga pe mo?
- pe 101, chess, taekwondo 101 & 102. yellow belt ako. pero nakalimutan ko na lahat ng natutunan ko except yung 45 at roundhouse kicks.

36. kamusta naman ang block n'yo?
- astig kami lahat.

37. nakapanood ka ba ng graduation?
- yung sa akin lang.

38. memorized mo ba ang "song for mary?"
- hindi masyado.

39. memorized mo ba ang "fabilioh?"
- nope.

40. e ang "halikinu?"
- hindi rin.

41. e ang "blue eagle spelling?"
- lalo na.

42. member ka ba ng team ateneo?
-sa tingin mo?

43. sino paborito mong uaap basketball player?
- si paul tan-chi lang kilala ko. pero meron akong mga classmates na players e. di ko na nga lang matandaan names nila. wala akong paborito. the only time i watched a basketball game (dlsu vs. admu) natalo ateneo. mula noon di na ko nanuod. besides, every time may game sa loyola gym may class ako.

44. naka-perfect ka na ba ng exam?
- siguro. ewan ko.

45. ano ayaw mo sa hell week?
- what's to like?

46. dito ka ba natuto uminom o manigarilyo?
- yata at oo.

47. ano ang gusto mo sa school natin?
- lahat.

48. ano ayaw mo?
- the fact that i had to go through college practically penniless.

49. bumili ka ba sa a-shop?
- stickers. pag pumunta ako dun bibili ako ng jacket o kaya t-shirt. meron akong binili pala dati na key chain. nasan na kaya yun ngayon? hmm...

50. maganda ba id pic mo?
- payat ako sa i.d. pic ko. pero ang pangit ng hair ko.

51. may ginawa ka na bang illegal sa loob ng campus?
- wala naman.

52. nakabili ka ba ng gamit sa national katips?
- paborito ko mamili dun. kahit ngayon, madaan lang dun, titingin talaga ako. ewan kung bakit.

53. nag-starbucks ka ba sa katips?
- hindi. wala akong pera pang-starbucks noon. kahit naman ngayon e.

54. gusto mo ba'ng mag-aral ulit?
- oo. pero di ko pa afford e. pag afford ko na mag-donate sa scholarship fund na pinakinabangan ko, yun siguro pwede na ko mag-aral ulit. pero ayoko yata ng m.a. gusto ko 2nd degree.

pardon me for using this medium to write to you. i just felt like it would be better if it were out in the open. i think you know who you are.

as i rode the cab from rockwell to the office a while ago, i thought about the conversation we just had. i realized that it was something i had been waiting for for several months.

yes, as i have said, i missed you. not only that, i missed you greatly. i think, far more than i have realized.

these past few months have been hell for me. many times i felt as if i was a boxer in a ring, fighting an endless match, being pummeled by The Champ. i am beat. and if not for the support of the wonderful people around me, i may have been a cold, rotting body in a coffin too.

but something was missing. it is only now that i realized it was you.

it was a complete surprise for me to find out that you had been purposefully avoiding me. i never knew how much my husband's words hurt you and made you want to stop being my friend.

at first of course, i did not understand. we had been friends for so many years, why would you not understand how my husband felt about you wanting to visit my mother at the hospital? why would you not instinctively know that i still want you beside me even if he doesn't?

but then, i understand. after all, he knows something you don't. at least, i never told you what i told him. i probably shouldn't be saying this because it might put our friendship at risk, teetering as it is right now.

well, here goes: from the moment we met, i fell for you. for four solid years. there. knowing just how much i can love, and loving me as much as my husband did, he could not believe there was never anything between us except friendship. he knows i had come to you when things weren't going very well between us at the beginning. he knew you'd come to me when you had problems of your own. he is irrationally jealous, but maybe he thinks he has reason to be so.

after all, i loved you even before i knew your name. it may shock you to read this, and i expect may make you cringe and well, react unpleasantly. i understand.

i've always understood. and please do not ever think that i tried to be your friend because of how i felt for you. i have set aside my feelings for you a long time ago because i knew you'd never love me with all of your wonderful heart.

the point is, this explains why my husband feels the way he does.

and i hope you realize that it doesn't matter whether or not he feels i should continue being friends with you. i value my marriage but i also value your friendship. you, your friendship is important to me.

i miss you terribly. our late night phone conversations, the poetry we shared, the music we both enjoyed and the heartaches we helped each other with.

you will always be special to me. no matter what.

klia, malaysia, may 5, 2005.

with direk milo. he said i should kiss the ground since it's my first time to be out of the country.

arrival at klia. may 5, 2005.

i've moved to a different time zone!

view from the top

or at least, what we could see from our window directly beside the left wing. i hate having to sit in this place but i had no choice. would you believe i got held up during boarding on our way back to manila? i had bought joks a malaysian souvenir, a letter opener in the shape of a kris or a moslem sword. in our haste, i forgot to put it in my check-in luggage and instead carried it in a plastic bag along with the other souvenirs i had purchased. it was embarrassing to say the least! i had to wait for the woman at the gate to finish letting the rest of the passengers board before she could attend to me and attach a restricted baggage tag on my plastic bag. *sheesh.*

our guides.

sadly though, we lost the lonely planet book. we left it in the bus we took from singapore to kuala lumpur. it cramped our style a bit when we went sightseeing in kl, but it turned out okay in the end.

the grub at the plane. since it's a budget airline, there's no free lunch.

note the prices. the nasi lemak, the only rice meal on board, costs 125 pesos in us dollars it cost 2 bucks (which is roughly 110 pesos; i resent the unequal pricing).

we didn't buy anything for our flight to kl, but we did eat on the plane during our flight back to manila. the nasi lemak was delicious but the servings were very small for 125 pesos. we just had to eat something then because the smell of the food the rest of the passengers were consuming was driving us crazy. we weren't really hungry as we all had mcdonald's big breakfast just an hour before boarding. oh, there is a sandwich that didn't make it to the picture.

ms. hilda and me, inside air asia plane waiting for take-off. trip takes about four hours. could use time for sleep but am too excited by this time i couldn't sit still.

i'm leaving on a jet plane...*sigh* kelan kaya ulit?

in fairness, ang ganda ng monitor ha dahil nakunan ko ng picture ng hindi na-distort ang image sa screen. okay lang ang airport. kaso, pagdating mo sa kuala lumpur international airport, di na siya okay kasi malulula ka sa ganda at laki ng klia.

oh, by the way, i'm liking photobucket. �

direk milo and i lining up to go inside the diosdado macapagal international airport in clark, angeles city, pampanga. this, after a two-hour bus ride from sm megamall behind a row of sosyal-speaking girls who turned out to be not-so-cute women. heh.

i had tried to make it a point not to use profanity to express myself in blogger. until now. putangina.

the present situation leaves me stark raving mad. i hate it. i hate her. she acts like she knows everything, rules over us all. oh my god! who does she think she is? she can't even pronounce the word october correctly let alone write a decent letter to the philippine embassy. when she speaks, i cringe. i am embarassed by her smile and her know-it-all behavior.

putangina. ang tanga tanga niya! estupida! bakit kung sino pa yung mga walang alam yun pa yung nagmamarunong? (maddie, i will not translate this for you because it is simply too vile. i may be exerting bad influence on your young impressionable mind. suffice it to say that the first word of this paragraph is something we filipinos dare not call our mothers.)

i am fuming mad, i can tell you that. i am not okay. yesterday i was but right this moment i just want to bash her face in and give her what she deserved.

friends, you know i am a non-violent person. i abhor violence of any kind. i shy away from confrontation. but if i had a thousand pesos for every time i stopped myself from taking a pitchfork to her face i'd be richer than lucio tan.

i am exhausted from being angry. why did he have to die and leave us to suffer in her stupid incapable hands? apparently, his last words to her were, "ikaw na bahala sa opisina ha?" (which, to maddie, means, "please take care of the office while i'm gone.")

maddie, in a few words i shall explain the situation as thus: my boss recently died from malaria in los angeles. (yes, your part of the planet) he did not contract the disease there but went there immediately after shooting an assignment in a far flung village here in the philippines. one of our cameramen also died. anyway, this leaves us (the whole company) with an uncertain future and enough grief to last us about 20 years. the one he left in charge, well, let's just say, she's superbly incompetent to deal with me and what i do.

so there. cessy and marky, despite this post, do not worry about me too much. and do not stop reading my blog either. you know me, if i cannot slug it out face to face, i can resort to other means. i can be a wonderful bitch sometimes, as you very well know.

my eyes hurt from crying so much. when will this end?

i feel as if my heart was torn from my chest. like hope is but a word and we'll never be okay again.

i was on tv today.

where do we go from here?

i feel orphaned, abandoned. what next? oh lord, can you please not bring it on?