someday we shall meet
i shall look into your eyes
and you will gaze into mine
you will know that i have loved you
even before i saw you smile
i shall shower you with kisses
surround you with my care
count your fingers and toes
to see if they're all there
your name is written on my heart
so that we shall never be apart
i want you to know my darling darling child
i sit anxious until you arrive
i wonder if i will ever be
the greatest mother you deserve to have.

i haven't written in such a long time. and it shows. :-(

yes, having read a passage in the pregnancy book i purchased months ago that says once i see my baby's heartbeat flickering on the ultrasound screen, the chances for miscarriage goes way down low and i can relax and breathe a little easier and enjoy this miracle inside me, i think i can finally talk about my growing bundle of joy a little more freely.

(boy that was a long introduction, don't you think?)

anyway, first off, i would like to thank omnesiac for graciously showing his support during the screening of groovy, (also known as "the film i wrote") despite the bad weather. i truly enjoyed being sandwiched by him and julia abad (with her father the former cabinet member two seats away) during the screening. we were chatting and talking so loud i'm afraid the other members of the audience near us couldn't hear everything clearly. it was great fun seeing two dear friends again after so long. julia's looking great by the way (she kept teasing me about my hyphenated name) and i'm sure her own "hyphen" won't be too far away.

so. last weekend, some of you may have noticed (or maybe not) billboards announcing the coastal cleanup day being celebrated worldwide. our crew went to anilao for that including yours truly. since nearly everybody knew that i am pregnant, people kept telling me to sit tight and rest and eat. as a consequence, i didn't get to do any coastal cleaning as the area was much too rocky and slippery for a clumsy pregnant woman like me. i enjoyed the fresh air and the sumptuous buffet. i'm sure baby did too.

in the evening there was a small program for the participants and some awards were given out to liven up the show. well what do you know? i won the "mother earth" title and got to wear a sash for the very first time in my life. i quickly removed it since well, i felt sooo pregnant, sooo fat and sooo ugly i didn't think i should call any more attention to my rapidly growing midsection.

speaking of my expanding tummy, i have to admit it's not exactly due to my inflating uterus. since august, i have had a voracious appetite that sometimes required me to eat four to five times a day. now i only used to eat two to three meals per day and because i was trying to lose weight before i got pregnant i ate very little before i found out i was with child. so now i think i've gained back the 15 pounds i originally lost. argh.

the pregnancy book i bought called a pregnant woman's food cravings "pica." and i thought since people would always ask me what sort of food i crave for, here's a list in no particular order of preference. i don't seem to have weird cravings, though, thank god.

- mcdonald's cheesburger and double cheeseburger (all that grease, ohhh...)
- sinigang na baboy
- green leafy vegetables, and any kind of vegetables for that matter, even okra, which i used to hate
- pineapples
- oranges
- turnips
- choco mallows
- bizu macarons (i demolished four in one sitting!)
- barbecue
- turon (it has to be very very sweet)
- chili rice from wendy's (but i've always liked that)
- fried fish

and right now i'm thinking of rushing to the nearest wet market to buy papaya. just the thought of eating the succulent orange meat of that fruit makes my mouth water. geez.

got this from marky.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A few years ago, the CEO of Ford
Motors apologized for making SUVs. William Ford even referred to the Excursion, one of his company's huge pollution generators, as the "Ford Valdez," associating it with the ship that despoiled the Alaskan environment with an oil spill back in 1989. And yet that didn't stop Ford from continuing to manufacture gas-guzzlers. He saw the error of his ways but didn't correct it. Make him your anti-role model in the coming days, Aquarius. After you realize your mistake or excess, be gleefully uninhibited about fixing it and making amends.

oh well. too late. friday na. am not feeling very good right now, emotionally at least. this is a cry for help, those who are listening.

You are all cordially invited to watch the screening of GROOVY: The Colors of Pacita Abad this Friday, September 16, 6:30pm at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. Admission is free.

The film is directed by Milo Sogueco, and the screenplay is by yours truly. So there. Kailangan manood kayo. Or else... (Those who are wondering, yes, Pacita is Julia's aunt and godmother. So double support kayo pag pumunta kayo. Kaya sige na, please?)

September 9, 2005

Dear Dr. ***,

We are reporting on your patient ***

Scan : Transvaginal

Gestational Sac Visualized : Yes

Location : Intrauterine

Borders : Thick and Well-defined

Fetus Recognized : Yes

Number : Single

Well-Formed : Yes

Heart Motion : Yes at 163 beats per minute

Body Movement : None Yet

CRL : 20 mm

Age of Gestation Based on Today's Scan : 8 weeks 4 days

Remarks : Single live intrauterine pregnancy of about 8 weeks. AOG with good cardiac (and somatic) activity. Normal-sized ovaries.

*** Maybe next time I'll post the snapshot.

joks left for new york today. he'll be gone for a full fortnight. hard to sleep without him beside me. i wish i was with him instead of here, alone.

no, this is not about politics. just news about me. maybe you've noticed how i haven't been writing here (at least those of you who actually peek once in a while). i have been busy. and i have been lazy. i know those aren't valid excuses but then, that's all i'm giving.

and so on to the news: i am pregnant once again. i have known for quite some time now but have denied my urge to blog about it because well...i feared it might not push through like the last time. anyway, i'm still not sure yet and i'm up for an early ultrasound this friday. please pray for me. by that time, i'll be ten weeks along and i'm hoping to see the faintest flicker of a heartbeat and a more or less recognizable form. after that, maybe i'll get to heave a sigh of relief and enjoy this more.

i've been feeling nauseous these past days, having headaches, flaring up at the tiniest provocation, vomitting once in a while, or at least feeling like i want to vomit because i feel so bad and bloated. i haven't slept continuously for weeks because i've had to get up at least three times during the night to pee. and then we're running out of money for everyday expenses. i'm taking medicines, drinking milk, eating tremendously, all of which inevitably add up to more than what i've initially planned to spend.

it's been great, really.

and then, there's him. no point in dwelling about him - the-one-that-never-will-be - but i do think about him, have thought about him lately. but i'll get over it. i always do. maybe it's just my hormones acting up.

excuse me, i need to lie down. i'm having a massive headache. *sigh*