|
|
||
|
Saturday, November 19, 2005
yesterday, at around noon, i got a message from my sister who told me she had been told that it will be lolo's last day on earth and we better come, and come quickly if we wanted to say goodbye. tied up at work as i was, and with joks a million miles away, i could not help but feel discouraged. by the time i was able to grab a few hours away from work, it was already half past three. i got into a cab and was immediately confronted with the traffic on makati avenue. when i told the driver where to go he said, "traffic pa naman dun." annoyed beyond belief, i snapped, "my lolo is dying and i have to get there now." undeterred, he replied, "matanda na ba?" i had to say yes. to this he commented with a smile, "matanda na pala eh. pwede na." i would have alighted from the cab with door hanging open right then and there if i was not in such a hurry. i did not need his smirk but i really needed a ride to the hospital. i considered the light traffic going to shaw boulevard as my small victory against The Evil Cabman. even though my sister told me what room my lolo was transferred to, i guess i was not listening properly and i went to the wrong ward, st. jude. wards in this hospital are named after saints and i knew that the name st. jude did not mean well for those in that ward. i called my sister again and asked her what room they were in, confirming my suspicion that i was in the wrong hallway. as i walked out, i saw the hospital chaplain calmly walking towards me. i moved away and into my lolo's room. what i saw broke my heart. i saw him when he was in intensive care and i knew it was only minutes before his time will come. not wanting to let my relatives see me cry, i rushed to the bathroom and wept. i then washed my face and tried to act as if i was not affected at all. i sat beside my uncle who whispered, "judgment day na ni daddy." then the chaplain i saw earlier came in to deliver my lolo's last rights and offer a few words for us. that's when i lost it. a few minutes after the chaplain left, with his words about life being temporary and surrendering to god's will still ringing in my ear, a nurse came in to check lolo's pulse and blood pressure. it took her a while and the respirator attached to my lolo kept emitting this annoying noise, an alarm of some sort. the nurse finally left, and returned later with an ecg machine. all the while, my lola was hunched over lolo's face, saying over and over again, "jesus. jesus. jesus." i could not help but feel her pain. they have been married for more than half a century and i cannot imagine how difficult it is to lose someone you've been with for almost all your life. just thinking of losing joks tears my heart apart. when the small slip of paper came out of the ecg machine, a single straight line was printed on it, pronouncing, for all the world to see, that my lolo has left his leaden body behind and went to meet his Master. i thought how i did not get a chance to say goodbye but i realized that we had said goodbye to each other days ago when i first visited him in the emergency room of the hospital. when i came in, he recognized me and smiled. that was the last time i spoke to him, the very last time he saw me. i know i shall never forget it. as one life is lost, another emerges, or so they say. |
||