i do realize that my blog's new title is the largest irony in the world. as the saying goes, the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. (cue dreamy image of brad pitt licking a spoon of peanut butter in meet joe black...sorry).

so joks and i attended my lolo's funeral yesterday. we had wanted to get up early, have breakfast and travel the two hours to my grandparents' home in bulacan. however, as we had put in a very late night (3 a.m. to be exact), we woke up an hour after we had intended to do so. we had breakfast in the neigborhood mcdonald's. it's been a long time since i had one of their sausage mcmuffins and hash browns -- it's one of life's simple pleasures, mine at least and i really thought i deserved it for the day ahead.

well as soon as joks and i sat down to eat, this guy came uncomfortably close to me, put down a large plastic bag beside my seat and handed me a small laminated card. the card asked me to buy a package of dried mangoes for 50 pesos or three for 130 to support the guy's education. i said no and handed him back the card not because i was not feeling particularly charitable but because one, i have four packages of dried mangoes at home that joks brought back from cebu, and two, i believe in choosing my charities. besides, 50 pesos is too much for a small package of dried mangoes. joks bought his pasalubong for me for 28 pesos. i like dried mangoes but i'm not that crazy about them that i'm willing to pay more than half the price for some more fruit preserves.

i would not have thought twice about the incident if it weren't for the events following that. joks and i boarded the taxi that would take us to the bus terminal in cubao. as joks and i were talking throughout the short and breezy ride, we did not notice how much the speedy commute was costing us, kilometer by kilometer. we were surprised therefore, when we reached our destination to find that our fare came up to 102.50. i had a sneaking suspicion we were being ripped off but did not want to start the day with an argument, considering what i would be facing in a few hours so i shrugged it off.

imagine my annoyance when, while waiting for the bus to roll off the terminal, a teenaged girl handed me a familiar plastic-laminated card, similar to the one i saw earlier but bearing a different name. i wonder why they picked dried mangoes as a product. and i wonder why they picked me. do i have sucker written all over my face? that had to be a racket right there. the world is filled with evil people, after all. dah.

so on to the funeral. while waiting for the coffin to be taken to the nearby chapel, i realized that it was going to be my third funeral for the year. i think i've had my fair share for at least ten years, but you never know. death is certain after all. i know i have to stop being so morbid but i just can't help it. blame it on recent events, exhaustion, and borderline depression. but just not on me. so there.

i see i am reverting to the language of a deranged teenager. so god help me.

well then, on to the show. seeing as any occassion is as good as any, my uncle who is also my godfather and my only surviving senior male paternal relative brought me out to the ancestral home's backyard, right by the river. we had The Talk. he asked me about joks, whether we were actually married and when i said yes he asked what my plans are so i was like, for what? the long and short of it is that he "recommends" (his word, not mine) that we get married again in church for the sake of my lola. take note, he said for my lola, and not for me. he said it is the moral thing to do. (i flashback to father dacanay in theology class, and immediately shake it off.)

i could not help but cry in front of him -- for all the things i could not say, for all the things i did say. for a long time joks and i have done it our way, managing as best we could, maneouvering through life's most turbulent storms, and sharing in the joy that our love brings us. we have always done things our way, together. we knew what is best for us and have always acted according to our dreams and our plans.

we have decided long ago that it is impractical for us to spend our hard-earned savings on a church wedding that would please all of my relatives but would leave us with a zero bank account. besides, we both knew no one in my side of the family wanted him for me. so we got married without any of my relatives knowing it. it was just easier that way. and now...our minds have not changed. we still felt that our money will be more wisely-spent if we saved it for our and our child's future. my uncle said that he's willing to help us. but i do not want that. i do not want our wedding to be forever indebted to them. what i want is for them to accept my decision, accept my choice, love whom i love, the way his family did to me. is that so hard to do? i am sure they have material things joks' family does not have but they are after all, human too.

"Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?" - Shylock in Merchant of Venice, William Shakespeare

so sorry to be melodramatic. but i have always been a drama queen.