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Thursday, January 12, 2006
i was searching, looking for you and then i find you smiling. i come up to you and ask where you've been and that i've missed you. i ask you if you missed me too and you say yes you did. i look at your face, hold your cheeks with both my hands and say how cute you look. and then i ask you to walk with me, i forget where to, but you do. we hold hands and i can feel you shaking, as if you love me the way i love and are happy and giddy with the simple intimacy. i think of asking you why you are trembling but stop myself just in time. all the time we were walking i could sensehis shadow behind us, following our every step, watching our every move. but he does not interfere. we reach your dorm, and then i wake up, sad that the dream had ended far too soon. i know i got over you a long time ago but i realize maybe i haven't really stopped loving you, not entirely, no. i love him with all my heart and am thankful for every second since i met him. but i loved you first and that counts for something, i think. i remember there's another part of that dream, where you were telling me, no asking me why we did not get together sooner. i told you it was all up to you and in that dream you knew exactly how i felt for you for four years. deep down i know, after all these years, i'm still hoping you felt the same way for me too. maybe i need to let go. but that's just it, i don't want to. fantasy is so much sweeter than reality. |
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