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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
yours is the first voice i heard today. i was in a place in between sleep and waking and then i heard you. i tried to sweep the cobwebs from my voice and asked you what time it was. i asked you three times. strangely enough, i did not feel anything when i heard your voice first thing in the morning. i don't know why but it seems to me i am mimicking your remoteness, in defense, maybe. i cannot tell. then i saw you and cannot look at you. i asked myself how i could ever have thought i loved you. have i grown up in a matter or seconds? is it really over for me now? when did it happen, and how? for the first time in years i realized why there was never a 'we.' why fate did not put us together. why did it take me five years to see how it would never work out? was i blinded by what i thought could have been? and it only took me one look at your face. it was weird, sitting there, facing you and me trying very hard to look your way. why did i want to see you and then not want to look at you? did you notice it too? it's as if we had only just met and i feel shy around you. i wish i could explain how i feel. i hope you never get to read this, you. because yes, i loved you but not anymore. i wonder what you'd think if you knew. |
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