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Thursday, March 09, 2006
but how? 1. how can i simply be? all these discordant voices and noises inside my head and all around me are distracting me beyond reason. i am plagued i tell you. plagued by them and by myself. why can i not care? how can i remain insensitive when my very nature dictates that i be hyper-sensitive to stimuli, to my environment, to the people around me? i fear that it is impossible as long as i am here. 2. how can i privatize my posts? i don't think one can do that here in blogger. besides, i don't think anyone reads my blog anyway, aside from you, my dear friends, much less google them. i don't think my thoughts and ideas are interesting enough to those people who don't know me personally. incompetence bothers me. okay, to be very blunt about it, it irritates me to no end. i have no patience for stupidity (in other people at least. i am mean that way.). nor do i have the tact to show that i am unaffected by it. i guess i was spoiled by good education -- i have always been surrounded by brilliant people -- in high school and college. i have always expected brilliance from the people i interact with and have therefore come to expect it from the people i work with. unfortunately... even my boss and my former boss have this principle in hiring people: "hindi ko kailangan ng magaling na tao. ang kailangan ko yung mapagkakatiwalaan." i mean what kind of fucked up philosophy is that? if i were the boss i'd require excellence and trustworthiness and loyalty from my people. and i would get it too because i know what it would take for an employee to be loyal and trustworthy and that is to keep them happily provided, to give them no less than what they expect to get (sometimes even more, if they deserve it), show them the same respect you give yourself, and they will rise to the occasion. because hey, that's what every employee worth his salt wants, right? sadly, this concept escapes my boss entirely. they expect to get 110% from their people when they themselves give 50%. so why do i not leave? i have tried and my plans were foiled by chance, by fate, by circumstance. but maybe in may... |
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