a D.Luscious world

Monday, September 11, 2006

i had been in front of the mirror, combing my hair, when i heard my phone ringing downstairs. i rushed down, and without looking at the caller's name, i tapped lightly on the green button "hello?"

"kahlil."

it was him. "you in the office?"

"yes. why?"

"well then, come out the door. i'm waiting."

what? what is he doing here? so, struggling to keep calm and collected despite having shaky knees all of a sudden, i opened the door and walked the few feet to the gate. opening it, i saw a blue bmw idling in front. the passenger side window slowly rolled down, revealing his face, beaming at me.

"hi. surprised?"

"uh, yeah. you told me you'd come by next week to drop off the cd i'm borrowing from you. what are you doing here?"

"change of plans. come on, get in."

"why?"

"you have far too many questions. just get in, kahlil. we're going for a ride."

my friend charisse remarked once how defenseless i was when it came to him and that moment, i proved how right she was. i got in the car and strapped on the seatbelt. "where are we going?"

"don't i even get a good morning?" he smiled slightly, putting the car into gear.

"good morning greg." i looked out the window, trying desperately to keep myself from looking at his face.
"please tell me where you're taking me."

"it's a surprise. don't you like suprises?"

if it's from you, i don't. i generally want to keep my wits about me and you turn my brain into mush, my voice into an unintelligible croak, and my knees into jelly. "oh-kay. whatever you say. as long as you're paying. i left my wallet behind when you kidnapped me."

greg laughed and reached out with his hand and laid it on mine, which was at that moment clenched tightly and resting on my knees. "don't worry about that kahlil, don't you worry your pretty little head about that."

having been told that, i shut up and looked out the window. of course, i snuck glances at him and all the while, my heart was pounding a mile a minute. i tried to relax but i simply couldn't. i wanted to check out my hair but of course i couldn't. i wanted to see how i looked (like a deer in the headlights i'm sure) but that would be too obvious. i didn't even have my purse with me.

i took several deep breaths, trying to drown out the deafening sound of my rapidly beating heart. where is he taking me? just then, he said, "we're here." i looked at him, smiling at me and then out the window. i saw trees, and a slight hint of fog, and beyond, a view i'd always wanted to share with someone special but never got around to.

"are we in...?"

"yes we are. so come on, breakfast's getting cold." he opened my door and held my arm. then his arm went around my shoulders, sending shivers down my spine. he led me to a small hut and inside it was a table laid out with breakfast fare. before escorting me to my seat, he picked up a boquet of yellow tulips and gave them to me. "for you."

"thanks greg. but what's all this for?" a little happy me is dancing inside my heart, doing cartwheels.

"just wanted to surprise you. i haven't seen you in a while and i'm thinking you probably miss me already." i couldn't look at greg, he was grinning from ear to ear, obviously teasing me.

i smiled, looking outside the hut. it was suddenly cold, as the fog was moving towards us. "maybe it's you who misses me and not the other way around."

he chuckled. "now go on, eat. i prepared that myself so you better like it."

we ate in silence for a while when, unable to control myself, i blurted, "seriously greg, what is this for?"

he took a moment to finish the freshly-squeezed juice in his hand before looking directly at me, saying, "we've known each other quite a while haven't we? it's just that last night, after talking to you, i thought about how great our realtionship is, i mean, our friendship. we rarely see each other and talk but when we do, it's so easy for us to pick up from where we left off. you're one of the few people i can talk to, that i can be absolutely honest with, and not care whether i'm saying the right thing or not. you make me feel good about myself, like i can accomplish anything even though we both know some things are inevitably impossible. i care about you a lot, even if you don't see it..."

his voice trailed off and he turned his eyes towards the disappearing view of metro manila. "i had always wondered how you felt about me. truth is, i had always wondered how i felt about you, too. and so now i would like to know." at this, he turned his eyes again to me, his face serious all of a sudden.

i didn't know what to say. how was i supposed to respond? that i love him with all my heart and have done so all these years? that i feared showing him because i wasn't sure how he felt? all these i wanted to say but i couldn't find my voice.

finally, i asked him, "should your answer depend on mine or is it the other way around?" i sighed. "i care about you too, greg. more than you know. more than i think you expect. what do you want me to say? i've tried to hide how i feel from you, hoping it'll all go away somehow. but i don't know how you seem to know but i guess you do, or you wouldn't pull off something like this. and now that i've laid myself out to you, what more do i have?"

i stood up, and started to get out of the hut, only stopping to hear his voice, "you can have me."

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