Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Let's backtrack a bit shall we? I've never had a chance to post these earlier pictures of Jaden here two years ago. I was too busy doing baby duty so here's a bit of a photo album of Jaden from under 12 months.
When he was smaller, Jaden loved to smile while sleeping.
I always wondered what he was dreaming about.
What do babies that age dream about anyway?
Here's Jaden on a day out at the mall at 8 months.
Jaden at 9 months. He loved playing, or rather,
chewing on the blocks his Titas Tara & Kreng gave him.
Note the balikbayan boxes in the background.
This was before the big move to the barrio back in 2006.
We lugged around 12 boxes of stuff to the province.
(And when we came back, we just had two suitcases and the CPU & printer.)
Jaden is very cute and very chubby at 10 months. At super puti!
Jaden on board M/V St. Peter the Apostle
en route to the barrio on February 11, 2006.
He is 11 months in this photo.
I love how he sort of looks like the boy in the Precious Moments jumper he has on.
When I was kid, I had a Precious Moments pillowcase.
I remember loving having to sleep on it every night.
I always wondered what he was dreaming about.
What do babies that age dream about anyway?
Here's Jaden on a day out at the mall at 8 months.
Jaden at 9 months. He loved playing, or rather,chewing on the blocks his Titas Tara & Kreng gave him.
Note the balikbayan boxes in the background.
This was before the big move to the barrio back in 2006.
We lugged around 12 boxes of stuff to the province.
(And when we came back, we just had two suitcases and the CPU & printer.)
Jaden is very cute and very chubby at 10 months. At super puti!
Jaden on board M/V St. Peter the Apostleen route to the barrio on February 11, 2006.
He is 11 months in this photo.
I love how he sort of looks like the boy in the Precious Moments jumper he has on.
When I was kid, I had a Precious Moments pillowcase.
I remember loving having to sleep on it every night.
Labels: baby pictures
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
This other commuter tale was told to a group of us by a Filipino-American Indian who went for a brief visit to Manila last week. Let's call him B. B, being of American-Indian and Filipino descent, is not Caucasian but he does not look very Filipino either. He is handsome, much more than Daniel Day Lewis, is tall and solidly built. He has very long hair and inevitably speaks with an American twang. I mean, if you didn't know he is a foreigner just by looking at him, you'd get it once you hear him speak.
So. B rides a jeepney to go somewhere. He gives nine pesos to the driver, telling him where he is going. The woman conductor beside the driver tells him that he is short 25 pesos. Now B has family here in Manila. Like any traveler worth his salt, he has asked around how much it would cost him to get to where he is going. He knows he is not short 25 pesos. He knows he has paid the exact amount (though technically, the driver still owes him 50 centavos.) He knows the woman is trying to weasel money out of a "supposedly clueless foreigner." So he says no and does not give in.
That's tragedy number one. Many Filipinos see foreigners as an opportunity to earn easy money. That's not good in itself. And that is also not doing the country's tourism industry any good. Foreigners are already wary about the Philippines' peace situation and whatnot so it doesn't help when they get to experience attempts to scam them or get more money from them.
Tragedy number two was pointed out by B himself. He wondered why not even one passenger spoke up to him or against the driver. Don't they care that someone is being scammed right under their noses? If something like that is happening in front of you, wouldn't you try to intervene and help? Is that not the right thing to do?
Or are those passengers afraid to speak up to B because they don't want to speak English? (I've noticed this reluctance by a lot of people to speak in English. We, a country that prides itself in our mastery of the English language and have a nation full of call center agents.Baffling.) Is it as simple and stupid as that?
Have I just been living in the barrio for too long that I have forgotten how impersonal everything and everyone is in the city? That caring for perfect strangers is not the "in" thing to do here? I mean, it's weird because it is only here in Metro Manila that you feel so alone. I was in Bacolod once, for a brief visit. It is a well-populated city and I was at the mall, waiting in line to use the bathroom. The lady in front of me had apparently been waiting a long time so she did a little dance, you know, the dance you do when you're trying to hold it in? She did that, and she smiled at herself and her silliness. And she smiled at me because I saw her. Imagine that! A perfect stranger smiling at another perfect stranger in a bustling city.
That would never have happened in Metro Manila. People here don't look at each other. They hardly ever say thank you or please or excuse me or sorry. They're way too busy, wrapped up in their own lives, in their own troubles they do not even bother acknowledging that there's another human being sitting or standing next to them.
para silang langgam
nag-uunahan
nagsisiksikan
magkakatabi
magkakadikit
hindi nagpapansinan
kanya-kanyang
laban
malaking maliit ang mundo
para sa mga taong langgam
sa kapwa
wala silang alam,
wala silang pakialam
Labels: urban living
Friday, August 22, 2008
With the price of basic commodities going steadily up, it probably is not shocking how even common courtesy comes at a premium these days. I was with my sisters on a weekend jaunt to Quiapo (for beads!) and coming home, we boarded a jeepney. We were heavily laden, my sisters and I. They bought a guitar and did some grocery shopping while I had with me three pillows and my bulging tummy.
The jeep wasn't full and those who boarded it after us naturally sat near the exit of the jeep and had to have their fares handed to the driver through us. We do it all the time, I'm sure. We ask other passengers to give our money to the driver. I always try to be courteous and polite and say "Please" and "Thank you" every time I do. Naturally, you'd expect the same of others. Simply because they really don't have to do it. They don't owe you anything. They're complete strangers. Besides, we're taught by our parents to say things like those in those kinds of situations. So, just common courtesy, right?
Well, uh, not exactly. All the three other passengers on that jeepney did not even bother to say "Please" or "Thank you." Despite my two sisters giving them dark looks and saying things like, "Oh, you're welcome!" The sarcasm fell on deaf ears. Tsk, tsk. I never knew the astronomical price of gasoline could even affect good manners nowadays.
I have another story about another jeepney ride but I have to postpone telling it. Got to get to work first.
Labels: urban living
Monday, August 18, 2008
I hauled my stuff to the rented studio today. It's both sad and funny how the little possessions we have and would be using for the next few years can fit in just one cab. Having moved to the barrio a couple of years ago (hauling 12 boxes of stuff, excluding the TV set and the desktop PC), it's like starting a new life again in the city. The thought of having to (sort of) begin again scares me. Especially since I am giving birth in less than two months' time.
I found it hard to sleep the night before last. I was haunted by my omnipresent what if's and my dirty habit of worrying. I try really hard to take comfort in the Do Not Worry verse, telling myself again and again how God has always pulled us through the most difficult times in our life.
***
Tomorrow afternoon, my husband and son and his yaya arrive from Bacolod. It's about time. My son has begun to look for me, asking his father again and again why I won't come home. Hopefully, this time tomorrow, we'd be together. Their plane is scheduled to arrive after 5pm. I just hope their Cebu Pacific flight won't be as late as it usually is.
I wonder what the NAIA Terminal 3 looks like. I have to get there early since this will be my first time to go there. Apparently, to save money on cab fare, I can simply take a bus to MIA and get off at a place they call 6-11 (heaven knows where that is) and take a jeep (or was it a shuttle?) going to Terminal 3. Oh well. I shall find out tomorrow.
Anything to save a buck...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Now and again, I encounter a story that really resonates with me. Not because I have had a similar experience, no. It's just the drama and human element that reels me in and urges me to find out more.
More than a year ago, I was adjusting to life in the barrio and was literally shut off from the outside world. Cellphone signal was difficult, we did not have radio or television, and I seldom went to the city to go online. Thus, news of the Virginia Tech massacre completely escaped my knowledge. I don't know if you remember details about it but Wikipedia is always reliable about those kinds of things so I was able to find out a lot about it.
What struck me the most about the incident was not the shooter himself – a mentally disturbed young man – but one of his victims, a 77-year old professor who held the door of his classroom shut so that his students could escape through the window. The shooter fired repeatedly at the door and Liviu Librescu perished and became one of the 30-plus victims of the tragedy.
The man, a brilliant teacher by all accounts, survived the Holocaust for crying out loud! And he was killed in a tragic and senseless manner. I don't know if the authorities determined whether Cho, the shooter, had a motive in going to that particular classroom building and "repeating Columbine" or not. But the senselessness of it all really just bugs me.
Another thing about Librescu himself: I cannot get over the man's heroism. Here you are, 77 years old, and lecturing your class on a day you thought would be like any other. Suddenly, this crazed gunman comes and turns your life into a horror movie. What does he do? He calmly tells his class to escape through the window and acts as a human barricade while they do so. He gave his life so that others may live. I cannot help but admire the man.
As I read through the short Wikipedia entry about him, I wonder what was going on in his mind while he was holding the door, being perforated by hollow-point bullets, and seeing his young students save themselves. But mostly, I wonder what I, if I were in his shoes, would have done? Or if I were in one of those students shoes, would I have disobeyed him and helped him barricade the door and gave my life away in the process? Would I have had the courage to give up my life for others?
In college, we were taught to be men and women for others. St. Ignatius was a big believer in that. Our four semesters of Philosophy and years of Theology repeatedly encouraged us to be persons for others. (There was that story of the Italian priest who shielded his parishioners from the blast of a grenade by lying down on it.)
But when push comes to shove, when it IS a matter of life and death, would I have gone to that extreme? Would I have had the strength to sacrifice my very existence for people I barely know?
Maybe if I had been asked that question in college, I would have considered it and said, sure. Before I had a family, I used to think that God could take me any moment and I'd be totally okay with it. But having a husband, and a child (or two) to take care of, changes things. I don't want to die. Not yet. I want to see my children grow up to become God-fearing individuals who are generous of themselves and who contribute a lot to the community.
Does that make me any less of a Christian? Does that make me a selfish person? I hope I am never placed in a situation where I have to choose. It's not that I care much about my own life, no. I do not want to die because my dying would deprive my two children of a mother and my husband of a wife. Both of these roles are important to me. I consider them my life's work, or if you will, my very small contribution to humanity. Does that make me any less selfish?
Labels: heroism, Virginia Tech massacre
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
we're working on a new project now -- a book that would prepare korean high school students for their suneung exams, their version of college entrance exams in korea. it's serious stuff but i didn't realize how serious until i found a few articles on the internet how intensely koreans prepare for their suneung test. one article i saw said that an estimated 200 students commit suicide because of the SATs. students are put under a lot of pressure: they study from morning until very late at night, have no time for leisure activities, and are continuously monitored by their parents. they spend three years, the entire time they are in senior high school preparing for the suneung exams. (some students prepapre for it as early as their elementary years!) their future depends on the result of their suneung exams because it would determine whether they can be accepted at the best universities in korea. of the thousands of students who take the exam, of course, only a few really get to go to the recognized good universities. coming from a good university would mean that they get hired in the best companies and generally have a bright future.
knowing that really puts into perspective what we do here. it's not just about writing an excellent passage and making the questions tricky. it's about helping those desperate kids through the most difficult day of their lives. they hold suneung exams every third thursday of november. it's like a national holiday for them because office workers are discouraged from coming to work early to help prevent traffic that would make students late for the exams. during the listening part of the exams, airplanes cannot fly or land, trains and trucks and any sort of vehicles cannot use their whistles or horns, to minimize the noise and help the kids hear the dialogues better.
it's kind of weird for me actually. i don't remember being put in that kind of pressure when i took the upcat and the acet. i didn't do any special study for those, except maybe some saturday classes in high school which many of us did not even take seriously. i guess i was just lucky i went to an excellent school that prepared me indirectly for the college exams i was to take. i was fortunate, i guess, that the school i went to prepared me not just for the exams but also for college. having passed both exams *aherm* without being put under the tremendous pressure those koreans are in, i consider myself very lucky indeed.
Labels: college, education, korea
Monday, August 11, 2008
I've been reading inspirational stories all day for our new project. This is one that really struck a chord. I hope I can be the mother depicted in this story.Got it from this site.
Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God: "How am I going to live on earth being so small and helpless?"
God replied, "Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
"But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy."
"Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy."
"And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?"
"Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
"Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?"
"Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
"Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:
"Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."
"Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy."
Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God: "How am I going to live on earth being so small and helpless?"
God replied, "Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
"But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy."
"Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy."
"And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?"
"Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
"Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?"
"Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
"Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:
"Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."
"Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy."
Labels: inspiration, motherhood
Sunday, August 10, 2008
twelve hours before this weekend is officially over. i have spent it by myself again. it's all my fault, really. i have not made the habit of seeing friends or family during the weekends. it was either i'm too busy, they're too busy or whatever. before we moved to the province, free weekends had been rare for joks and i. sometimes we had work and most of the time we were simply too tired to go out. we were also saving up money and going out on weekends was simply disastrous to the bank account. we'd zone out in front of the TV
but now that joks isn't here i don't know what to do with myself. i'd probably go to the mall later, just to do something, just to be able to talk to someone other than myself. i'd probably get tired from walking, probably spend money i shouldn't. but what the heck. anything for human interaction.
next weekend is going to be a long one due to the national holiday. i wish i could have scheduled their flight on saturday instead of on tuesday so that we could enjoy the sunday and monday together. as it is, i'd be going to work the day after they arrive. my only consolation is that we will have the next long weekend again and it's my mother's birthday on the 25th, another holiday.
i can't wait to see jaden and joks again. nine more days until happiness happens for me.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Good-natured Realists are warm-hearted, helpful personalities. They do their work conscientiously and have a pronounced organising talent. They often feel they are committed to traditional values. The family in particular is extremely important to Good-natured Realists. Their greatest pleasure is making themselves useful and taking care of other people. But they do not like pushing themselves to the fore; they prefer to fulfil their tasks out of the limelight. Good-natured Realists are real workaholics; they are very reliable and nothing is too much for them when it is a question of completing a project. Thoroughness, conscientiousness and sense of duty are their strongest points. They prefer established and familiar situations to new and unknown situations.
In dealing with others, Good-natured Realists are considerate and obliging; they are always happy to put aside their own requirements in the interest of their family and friends. Their home is mostly very well cared-for, cosy and tidy. Their perfectionism on the one hand and their aversion to delegating tasks on the other hand often lead to them taking on too much both professionally and privately. They cannot stand discord; conflicts make them very unhappy. One could almost describe them as being harmony-addicted - and this sometimes leads them to strongly neglecting themselves and their own wishes because they are unable to bring themselves to put up a fight.
Good-natured Realists dream of a stable and trusting relationship for life. Marriage and family are very important to them. They take care of their partner attentively and lovingly and put up with a lot for a harmonious relationship. They are also loyal and reliable friends. However, they can be very hurt if their interpersonal commitment is taken for granted for too long.
Adjectives which describe your type
introverted, practical, emotional, planning, tradition-conscious, good-natured, self-sacrificing, caring, devoted, friendly, loyal, considerate, reliable, conscientious, loving, quiet, reserved, modest, helpful, objective, hard-working, warm-hearted, communicative, painstaking, altruisticThese subjects could interest you
cooking, animals, family, music, trekking, camping, hiking, craftwork, nature, drawing/painting, astrology, spiritual matters, meditationLabels: personality quiz
Thursday, August 07, 2008
three more days to go. one hour to go before this days winds down. my colleagues are writing and behaving. we've done nearly everything they've asked us to do. the other ones we won't be able to finish are due to technical problems we couldn't avoid. i hope they're happy. because, surprisingly, i am.
Labels: my life
i hadn't been feeling particularly chipper this morning. more like panicked and anxious because i would be in charge of the office today. it's a first for me, being in charge. i had never thought of myself as a leader before. i would rather hand over the reins to somebody else. not to avoid the responsibility or accountability (because it is not hard for me to accept those), but well, i just felt uncomfortable being in the spotlight, of sorts. i am also still rather worried of all the other things i have going on (see previous posts).
anyway, thanks to meg and her bible, i am reminded once again why i do not need to worry about anything at all.
anyway, thanks to meg and her bible, i am reminded once again why i do not need to worry about anything at all.
Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
there was never an instance in my life that he has abandoned or forsaken me. i cannot remember even one moment in my life when i felt that he has not given or blessed me. when joks and i needed something, miraculously, it would be there. he answers our prayers, he listens to our pleas. and yet, because i have so very little faith, i worry. i have to be content with his promise. i have to keep in mind that he will be here for me always. i have no reason to doubt. none at all.
there was never an instance in my life that he has abandoned or forsaken me. i cannot remember even one moment in my life when i felt that he has not given or blessed me. when joks and i needed something, miraculously, it would be there. he answers our prayers, he listens to our pleas. and yet, because i have so very little faith, i worry. i have to be content with his promise. i have to keep in mind that he will be here for me always. i have no reason to doubt. none at all.
Labels: faith
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
i cannot believe how much he's grown in just over two months. i feel both sad and proud every time i watch this video. sad that i am not with him every day to hug and kiss him and tell him how much i love him. and proud of his growth, that he is growing up to be a smart and happy child. my husband tells me jaden frequently looks for me and wonders why i don't come home anymore. knowing that just breaks my heart.
i keep counting the days and nights until i see him and my loving husband again.
meanwhile, life goes on. our manager goes on vacation tomorrow and by virtue of my being the oldest here i am going to be in charge for the next four working days. and that scares the s**t out of me. we start working on a new project tomorrow and will inevitably be adjusting to the new requirements. the company is concerned about the team's productivity already and having to adjust means well, not being as productive as i think they expect us to be. next week, they tell us how we're going to be evaluated. oh.sweet.lord.have.mercy. anyway, my biggest fear is disappointing them, those-who-put-me-in-charge. i only hope i live up to their expectations and not be a bitch to my wonderful colleagues in the process.
mantra: this is a challenge i will overcome...this is a challenge i will overcome....
Labels: beach, family, my life
as i was revisiting my old posts, i came across a pic of warrick brown a.k.a. gary dourdan whom i declared to be my TV boyfriend. i am disappointed at the recent turn of events which landed him in the headlines recently. i am also disappointed that he has reportedly asked to leave csi. (and this after jorja fox left! william petersen is also leaving! what is going to happen to my favorite show on earth?!!? gah!)
{but, i digress. it is hard to focus when i talk about csi. gah.} i still heart you gary dourdan!
but now *sigh*, i guess, it's time for a *new* TV boyfriend. i heart you jesse spencer. especially when you performed in the American Idol Finale with the Band from TV.
Labels: TV
i am a worrywart. i worry too much about things. things i have no control over, and things i can actually control. it doesn't matter. i just worry. and i have trouble sleeping.
actually, the biggest thing i worry about is that we might not have enough money for when i give birth. that's my biggest concern of all. i try not to think about it. my husband assures me that all will work out fine. but i still worry. i try and calculate just how much we need and it boggles me. how are we going to come up with that much money?
i pray hard every day that we will be able to make it somehow. that he will be able to find some work to do between now and when i give birth. because honestly, no matter how big what i am earning now, i still don't think it's enough. i try and keep in mind the bible verse that says to trust with all my heart.
and yet, i still worry. and pray for a miracle.
my husband sent me this picture and he tells me that jaden actually posed for this photo. when i left my son a couple of months ago, he would not let me take a picture of him. he liked looking at his pictures and wouldn't let me take new ones. but now, he apparently enjoys it. it's so amazing. my friend meg said that for his age (2-and-a-half this september!), his pen grip is *advanced* which indicates that he has well-developed fine motor skills. (insert smug grin here) okay. enough baby bragging. have to get back to work.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
a maiden
sara teasdale
oh if i were the velvet rose
upon the red rose vine
i'd climb to touch his window
and make his casement fine.
and if i were the little bird
that twitters on the tree,
all day i'd sing my love for him
till he should harken me.
but since i am a maiden
i go with downcast eyes,
and he will never hear the songs
that he has turned to sighs.
and since i am a maiden
my love will never know
that i could kiss him with a mouth
more red than roses blow.
sometimes, it's a bitch being a woman.
sara teasdale
oh if i were the velvet rose
upon the red rose vine
i'd climb to touch his window
and make his casement fine.
and if i were the little bird
that twitters on the tree,
all day i'd sing my love for him
till he should harken me.
but since i am a maiden
i go with downcast eyes,
and he will never hear the songs
that he has turned to sighs.
and since i am a maiden
my love will never know
that i could kiss him with a mouth
more red than roses blow.
sometimes, it's a bitch being a woman.