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Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I'm worried. What's new, right? No, wait. Before you roll your eyes, today's different. There's really something to be worried about. It's just one thing, everything else is fine, but somehow, everything else depends on that one thing. There's a quick fix that I'd rather not do, since, in the long run, it will turn into a problem in itself. Come to think of it, it's already started long before. But I guess, the way things are going, I may have no other choice. It worries me that what I thought was enough is turning out to be quite the opposite. I know there has got to be some changes, but those changes will break my son's heart. His birthday is coming up and we've promised to get him a bike. Now I'm not so sure we can fulfill that promise after all. What worries me is that if we make those changes, he'd say, "Kawawa naman ako. Wala akong pagkain." Which is something he's done several times in the past. I want him to grow up as healthy as possible but if we cut back on the snacks -- the juices, the fruits, the chocolate milk and the crackers -- he'd then have to eat more rice, which I'd rather he don't, since I don't want him to become as overweight as his mother. Making those changes would be easier if we had a refrigerator, too, because then we'd have to do weekly/monthly instead of daily grocery trips. Those daily grocery trips are hell on the budget since when you're there you'll be tempted to get things, that are not necessarily on your list. As it is, though, a fridge is just out of the question. I'll have to walk every day to work from now on. (I only do that when Joks is with me and we're walking inside the village.) I'm wondering if I can walk all the way from home, though. I'd like to walk all the way home in the evenings but that'd be too dangerous and too tiring since I'll have to buy dinner and cook when I get home. I don't know what else to do. One of these days I'm going to have to pawn my wedding ring. I just know it. And it saddens me to think that I have to do that, me having a job and all. I guess that's my life. It's been this way since I was born. Why can't I just learn to suck it up?
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